An atheist's view on the Ram Setu controversy - Part 1

Every Ambika, Jairam and Advani is jumping in to offer their own view of the Ram Setu controversy. Why not me?

My close friends know I don't follow any religion. Am not proud or ashamed of admitting that. Thats how I turned out to be. Am not a atheist by choice, but by accident. I've always felt religion was too private to be discussed. Today I decide to come clean.

Here is my story:

I grew up on mixed religious beliefs. Was taught about Christianity in the tuitions and moderate Hinduism at home. My tuition teacher taught us about Jacob and Moses and Lazarus and all the biblical characters of the mid-west. Weekend classes were spent enacting excerpts from the Bible.

That brings me to my tuition teacher. She was, technically, a Hindu. A Brahman at that. But she was a disgruntled Hindu. She found peace in Christianity, Hinduism did not offer her solace in her sufferings, Christianity did. She had turned into a "Believer", she praised the Lord and so were we supposed to do. We greeted Madam (as we called her) with the greeting "Praise the Lord" and were greeted the same in return - every single day; every single day of my childhood. There was no feeling of 'religion' attached to the greeting. It was just like greeting someone with a simple "Good Morning" or "Namaste". I greeted my school teachers with a "Good Morning" and my Grand-mother with a "Namaste". Every person has a greeting associated them. Madam had a "Praise the Lord".

Religion did play a big part in our house hold. But it was never an integral part of our daily lives. It never imposed at home; culture was. We were never expected to pray 4 times a day, not even once a day for that matter. It a private affair, it was a choice. I was an observer at the Poojas - passive at times. Never learnt a single श्लोक or भजन - I wasn't expected to. But I was never vehement in rejection of my Mother's religious beliefs. She had her freedom, I had mine. Don't get me wrong, I loved the पूजा, I loved the rythmic chanting of the shlokas, the incense sticks and the प्रसाद.

For me पूजा and festivals were not a matter of us beliefs but an occasion for social gathering. For feasting, for meeting up with cousins and uncles. Though my Mother was concerned with my apparent apathy with religion, I guess she figured out I was too confused to know how my Karma shapes up.

Though I did not realise it then, I do it now. Not following any religion was not by my conscious effort, it was an accident. I felt Christianity was too fabled to be true and Hinduism was too mysterious for me to fathom. I saw Christianity as an alternative for Hinduism and felt it was like choosing your favorite party to vote for. Or abstaining. I abstained. I didn't know which party was better. Which was the lesser evil; which was "cool"er than the other.

So, there I was growing up confused, not very sure of my religion. I grew up to be neither a fanatic nor a pagan. I turned out to be a mixture of being agnostic with a feeling of apathy. As a child, it started with the question : "Which God exists?", graduated to "Does God exist?" and ended up with "Should God exist? Prove it to me it should."

As of now, am not sure where my faith lies. I don't believe in religion or God or "The One That Decides Everything". Am not even sure am an atheist. What is an atheist anyways? Shouldn't I be an agnostic? Shouldn't I question if God actually exists instead of denying his existence?
I don't know.

But I guess "atheist" best describes me right now.