How to kill time at work

If you are emplyed and in IT, chances are you spend half your time skill building (read: on bench).
Here are a few tricks to spend time in office.


10. Change the keyboard layout to DVORAK and type an essay on "life in IT"
9. Forward your resumes. Include the title: "Will work for food"
8. ...spend the rest of the week sorting the job calls.
7. Dowload the whole Sourforge repository
6. .. write a comment for each line
5. Read H2G2 (or 1984) backwards
4. Watch Ind-Pak test scores....refresh scores every 15 seconds
3. ..write a script to do it for you
2. Surf the net holding the mouse in the wrong hand
1. Write a blog

10 things we have had enough of

• Amitabh Bachchan
  

This guy is something like a million years old and probably has a million times million fans who can't get enough of him. I have had. Mr. Bachchan, I believe you have cleared all your debts; wrung every kind of role dry; the number of models you've rendered jobless is challenged only by the number of wrinkles on your face.
People say, he plays his own age in movies. You know what people his age really do? They end up either in old age homes or babysitting their grand-children.
People are probably sick of seeing you in papers, movies, TV programmes, Ads, news, internet, blogs (oops!). I'll quote your dad (am a big fan of his) on this -

"

Poorab se fir suraj nikla,
jaise hoti thi subah hui,
Kyon sote sote socha tha,
hogi praatah: koi baat nayee
Lo din beeta, lo raat gayee

"

• Cyrus Broacha
  

Another man who should act his age. He is as funny as Johnny Lever (who just missed the cut to this list). Cyrus, when you first adorned the screen (in the mid 80s I think, its been such a long time), you were refreshingly different, now your run of the mill shows are a real PITA. Start looking for another job. Spare us.

• Malaika Arora - khan
  

Who doesnt like seeing skimpily clad 10/10 bodied women pole dancing and staring suggestively in his eyes (err.. camera)? Well, I do of course? Its like eating Masala Dosa - delicious but theres probably only so much you can eat, a masala dosa for each meal for a month and you'd probably not have another for the rest of your life.
It probably sucks having a loser, good-for-nothing husband around the house and she probably has to make all the money while hubby babysits.
Malaika, we have enough of you - in the music videos, in the item numbers, in nach baliye (it was such a relief when it was over. no more shmucky ads!), in 287 other irrelevant/insignificant dance/talent/dramebaazi show, in 314 movie/tele/adworld/corporate/fancy-dress award shows.
Ms. (oops! Mrs.) Malaika, if Koena Mitra can get a lead role, so can you. Stop dancing, start acting.

• Talent hunt shows
  

It started off with 'Meri awaz suno' and likes. Meri Awaz suno gave us sunidhi Chauhan. Sare ga ma gave us Shreya Ghoshal and Kunal Ganjawala. Fast-forward 5 years....
Indian Idol gave us Abhijeet Sawant! Abhijeet Sawant of all people? That guy cannot talk let alone sing. So far so bad.... then Fame Gurukul gave us Qazi Tauqeer!!!!! just one word - WTF!
(Last heard the local dhobi association is hosting a best dhobi contest. Now theres a show where you can wash dirty linen in pulic ;-) )

• Breaking news

Samples :
1. (A ticker down the screen.....) "Amitabh Bachchan starts feeding on porridge....."
2. "Beto ne kiya maan baap ko jaayadad se bedakhal..... maa baap on bhook-hadtal"
3. "Gaai ne bachchde ko janm diya, 5 saal mein yeh teesri ghatna"
4. "TN ... water rises by 6 nm since last hour"
5. "We are so lame we do not have any content...... plus we make most of the news up"

• Remix songs

I've been forced to include this one. I love remix songs. </sarcasm>

• Cricketers in ads
  

Virender Sehwag has opened more coke bottles on TV than test innings and Yuvraj singh has grabbed more endorsement deals than catches (Md Kaif is a better fielder anyways). As with AB, these guys too are not very popular with advertising models.
Latest news is that Sachin Tendulkar is worth Rs 500 crores! India can win the world cup with this amount (match fixing, any one?).

• Birthday calendars

"I am collecting birthdays of all my friends. Please spare some time to fill in (your email-id. so we can spam you). "
Friend, if you wanna wish me on my b'day, send me a Porsche. If you can't, I cant afford the spam.
I do not send for B'day calendar mails to ppl. Theres a simple rule and it goes something like this - If I don't wish you on your b'day, it means you are not that important.
Get a life.

• Uday Chopra

He is 3 movies old. Thats 3 movies too many.
Suggestion - Take a long vacation to Mongolia. Take Tussssshaaar Kkapoor along. Don't come back.

• Top 10 lists

Shit!

For some one who is a devout reader of Douglas Adams, it is a shame that I've been stuck on the same page of "Restaurant at the end of the universe" since the last 2 days. H2G2 is THE series I've been religiously trying to follow since the last two months. I'd have finished the whole damn thing if not for the project work.
We, the developers, are always under pressure to deliver. Man! its not like we develop magic cure for cancer or something? Seesh..